D: I had a nightmare mama. Did i tell you?
Me: no. Was it Scary?
D: Yes. I cried a lot. Me: oh no. Monsters?
D; No.. i dreamt tt your hand dropped off. You told me not to jump across the lava. But i didnt listen. N i fell off the cliff. N you tried to pull me up. N then it got cut off by the steam.
Me: Oh. But were you ok D?
D: mama! You ALSO asked me tt qn in the dream! I was alright! But i cried so much.
Me: Why? Werent you safe?
D: Cos you love me so much. You lost your hand but you were so happy i was safe. Even in dreams you also love me..
And now at 3-5am. S after being febrile/ incessant cough/ vomitting
Me: you feeling better?
S: (grabs my hand drowsily). mama hold hand. S safe if mama here. Even virus scared.
the heart of mom-ing. At 5am.
the glimpses that my lapsing acts of love, roots the boys in their (exaggerated) faith in us.
tree kids in this season 
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