its 2 plus 2 = 6

how does a superhero prepare for. Primary school?

8.46pm
Im afraid mama. Of the new school.. do you think i can be braver in 3 weeks?

my first born. Who jumps off the tallest slides as the shortest kid, beams and immediately pirouettes to see if i am watching and grinning back.
So he knows.
He hears those 20thousand gasps of disapproval at his antics,
So he hears.
The comparisons. Well meaning mostly. But conflicting with what we love, who he is.

he knows. Can i be 5. He asked this morning. After he just turned 6 last night. Why? So i can always stay in your home. And i can hold your hand.
I didnt kick him out back into his bed for once.

So why are you worried sweetheart.

My son puts down his toy and sat in my lap. Who wears his captain america mask and lives in the world until its bedtime.
Maybe. People wont like to play. We have to be serious. Like really serious. They dont want to play fun things. And i still cant eat fast enough. Will my teacher scold? What if i try and its not good. Will i have time to read? And i cannot be brave. And i call and you cant hear me …

are you scared mama? When you pray and it is not ok.

Ah.

Sometimes. Of something. Of too much. Of nothing.
Routines Tatatatata and we march through
What if husband n i are wrong. What if we mess up their lives because we take so much delight in their childish recklessness. Because we (blindly) believe and therefore bet their days (so far) that life has a place. That there is no mistake. That if they can dream long enough, loud enough. Their path is theirs.
That by not worrying about being ahead. Or in time.
The day of reckoning. As fb reminds me.

When you were 4. I wrote …
”
We dont have concepts or constructs to take away. Will i be ok?
When you are pitted against. Compared. ranked. Marked.

So sometimes i need to reread this. rewrite this. Esp when i need to remember again.
Why we skip school and do nothing except be together

Sweetheart, mama still loves your beliefs.
Mama still wants to protect them.
One day, may our beliefs change the world you live in.
”

When you were 2 i wrote
”
My son, believes. Truly.
When you dreamt abt monsters. You believe in 3 steps
1. Hands out shout “stop!”
2. Mama/ papa and jesus will beat you up!
3. Run to mama/papa
You believed. And you had no nightmares after that.
You believe when you wave at everyone who passes by, they are as happy as you are.
You believe that no one needs to know anyone or needs a reason before smiling or passing them a cookie or a toy..

Tonight, almost midnight. As you slowly release my finger wrapped moments ago like an anchor, which you believed was the only thing holding me near.

Mama loves your beliefs
Mama wants to protect them
And mostly,
Mama wants to believe. Just like you.
”

Moments ago. Way pass bedtime. he sat beside me.
Quietly. He asked.
Mama, the schoolbag that papa and you saved and bought for me, it’s to remind me papa and u always guard my back right? Yup. Can i put yr picture on it. So people will be scared (of papa) and know that i am very loved at home (that must be mama).
.. and i would like to hold your hand when i come home. I think then i will be alright.

… n i, at midnight. Secretly checked.
A parental note is sufficient if child is absent from school. Just saying.

… so this is how superheros prepare for big boy school.. When their 6 year olds work out their own answers.